So.

I've decided to try pro-ana again. I've done this several times before. It's not that I can't take the starvation, it's that people always get in my way. I get off school a month early due to my depression, though, so that means I'm unsupervised for a month and don't have to eat until dinner. My dad forces me to eat when he notices I'm missing periods.

My stats:

I am somewhere between 150 and 160 pounds.
I am somewhere between 5'6 and 5'8.
My highest weight was about 180 pounds.
My lowest weight was about 130 pounds.
My goal weight is 115-125 pounds.
I have tons of size 3-5 pants lying around the house that I bought two years ago. I was one size away.
I am now much bigger, since I've gone through a good deal of puberty since then.

I do not want to be super-skinny, I've just been legitimately fat all my life and ana is more satisfying to me than dieting. I know a good deal of tricks, I don't get hungry often, I'm determined.

I will destroy myself if it means I get out of this, if it means I can be beautiful.

More about me:

I have clinical depression that can cause psychosis.
I have a high IQ, surprisingly.
My sexuality is fluid, but it has leaned towards girls for the past few years.
I'm doing this for myself.
I use reverse thinspo more often than thinspo.
For those of you who started out average-weight: Having excess fat, like, huge amounts, feels DISGUSTING. There is nothing more disgusting than feeling your fat bulge out or wobble. There is nothing more disgusting than seeing that a pair of pants that fit comfortably cut your hips in half and great a giant muffin top.
My favourite band is Avenged Sevenfold. I like them, experimental bands, some riot grrl punk, some death metal, some grindcore, and some metalcore.
I make a lot of excuses for being fat.
I have tried to personify anorexia as "Ana", but it just doesn't work, so fuck her.
I used to play WoW a lot, but I haven't been doing that so much recently. I didn't want to have to leave for so long but people made me.
My dad won't buy me a scale until the end of June. The losertown calculator estimates I will be 135 pounds by then. Here's hoping.


Reverse thinspo: